She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
