Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry Smittyda_HOGG1 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?

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(313): View more from Michigan

I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.

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(626): View more from California

I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"

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(912): View more from Georgia

His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.

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(914): View more from New York

They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.

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(410): View more from Maryland

My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?

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(801): View more from Utah

An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.

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(551): View more from New Jersey

my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house

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