I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
