You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
