It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize