I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
