The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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