mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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