I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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