I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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