what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
