My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
