so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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