Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
