i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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