a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
