As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
