eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
