Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
