i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
