Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
