I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
