I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
