Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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