They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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