He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
