you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
