All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
