I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
