O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
