your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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