She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
