Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize