He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
