so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
