I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
