U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
