pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm passing your future prison.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
