So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
