I am midnight drunk by noon
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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