Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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