My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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