I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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