if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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