dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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