We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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