you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
