Swine flu. Run for my life!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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