Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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