Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
