she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
