He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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