i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
