You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
