i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
