you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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