So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
