I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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