I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
