He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
