I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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