I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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