Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
