My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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