when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
