actually, I'm a sock model
now i know why i became what i already was.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize