I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
