I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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