Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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