i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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