i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
