When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
