he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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