Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
