i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
