They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
