I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
