Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize