I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just found puke in my bra..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
