i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
