You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You need a sexual gate keeper
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
