He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
