you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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