my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
