i barfeds in our rink
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
