they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize