i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
