what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
