I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
