i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
