When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
