mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
