Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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