Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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