It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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