Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize