So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
