when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
