mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
