Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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