you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
