Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
