Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
