I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
