I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize