Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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