this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There's always time for handjobs
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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