I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
