my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
