So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
