I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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