please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
