I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
