RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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