im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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