All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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