marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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