a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
