it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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