The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
