I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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